


It's okay (not to be okay)

by agentcalliope



Series: It's okay (not to be okay) [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, THEY ALL LOVE HER SO MUCH OKAY, shes just been through so much, team as a family, the jemma trauma series we deserve and need
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-11 03:25:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10453866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentcalliope/pseuds/agentcalliope
Summary: Sometimes, its okay not to be okay.And Jemma Simmons is definitely not okay.





	

Jemma passes her in the hallway, and May doesn’t need a second glance to know that something’s wrong.

 

She pauses in place, hearing Jemma’s heels click farther and farther away before May goes back the way she came and places a hand on Jemma’s shoulder. She jumps—just a little, but enough— before cracking a smile.

(It’s the kind of smile you crack because you’re cracking and there’s all these little pieces of yourself on the ground and you wonder how you’re going to put you back together again.)

 

“May! How are you? Can I help you?” Her voice is light but her eyes are bloodshot and puffy and she brings the stack of folders she’s holding closer to her chest.

 

“Okay.” May responds. “You?”

“Okay.”

 

(But when has Jemma Simmons ever been? When _will_ she ever be?)

 

“It’s alright not to be.” May finally says. “Okay. You’re allowed not to be okay.”

Jemma takes a shuddering breath, inhaling and exhaling, and cracks a smile larger than the one before. “I’m actually quite busy, so if you would excuse me--”

 

“No.” May takes Jemma’s hand and pulls her away, the folders falling unceremoniously to the ground, the papers in them spilling everywhere.

“ _May!_ ”

“Leave it.” May orders.

May doesn’t care about that—May doesn’t care about anything or anyone else right now.

May cares about _Jemma_ , and she does what she should’ve done the moment Jemma came back.

 

(She takes her, and she runs.)

***

Jemma sits on the edge of the bed, looking around twirling a piece of her short hair with her fingers.

She stares at May, and May stares back.

(It’s like staring into a mirror. Staring into a mirror after pulling the trigger and after the blood stained her hands. _She’s just a kid,_ May once thought.

_She was a kid,_ May thinks now.)

 

(And this this what scares her the most.)

 

“Talk to me.” May says, moving forward to sit on the bed besides Jemma, reaching out once again and taking her hands in hers.

May doesn’t care to talk, but May cares to listen, and she cares that Jemma Simmons has to be heard.

Jemma’s lips quiver and she blinks rapidly and she gazes at the ground and she says _nothing_.

 

May waits.

And then Jemma begins to cry.

“I left and I left him behind and I _had_ to but he doesn’t understand.” Jemma buries her face into her hands, shoulders heaving. “How can I explain it? That he’s the one who was hurt but I was the one who had to leave? How bloody s-- _selfish_ was I? How could I do that? How can I say that to him?”

 

May’s never been good with words, but this time her words are the only weapons she’s got to fight for Jemma.

(What Jemma needs, right now, is someone to fight for her when she isn’t able to.)

 

“Fitz went through something traumatic, yes. But, Jemma, so did _you_.” May sighs and sits gently on the bed, wrapping her arm around her. “He was hurt, and you were hurt. He needed time, and so did you. Don’t ever let yourself believe you weren’t.”

“But I had the oxygen--”

“-- and you had to drag your best friend from the bottom of the ocean not knowing if he was going to live.”

May pauses, and draws Jemma in closer.

(and Jemma lets her.)

 

“Listen to me, and listen carefully: it won’t become easier. All that talk about how ‘time heals’? It’s bullshit. Wounds become scars but scars still hurt.”

She nudges Jemma and Jemma lifts her head, May brushing the hair away so she can meet her eyes.

“It’s bullshit, but it’s life. And wounds become scars and scars still hurt, but they make you who you are. You are Jemma Simmons, and you are anything but selfish. You jumped out of a plane to save everyone else, even if it meant you couldn’t save yourself. You covered a grenade with your body to protect your friends, even if it meant your death. You dragged Fitz up from the bottom of the ocean because you couldn’t leave him behind.” May inhales, and tries to make Jemma understand.

“And you left because you had to for _you_. You left because you needed to, and because you had to take care of yourself. That isn’t being selfish. That’s being human.”

Jemma squeezes her eyes shut and breathes deeply, shuddering. “I’m so… tired.”

(May reaches out again, holding Jemma’s hand with the very fingers that pulled the trigger and couldn’t save the girl but can try to save this one.)

 “Then you should rest.” May stands up and pulls away the covers, patting the sheets and glares at Jemma, who’s watching with wide eyes.

“What?”

“But this is your room.”

“Exactly. No one’s gonna bother you here. You can take a break for a little bit.”

“But--”

“When’s the last time you _really_ slept, Jemma?”

 

Jemma doesn’t answer that, which answers May’s question all the same. May just pats the sheets again and Jemma sighs, taking off her shoes and climbing into the bed as May lifts the covers over her.

“Thank you, May.” Jemma whispers, her eyes already fluttering and her breaths becoming more even.

“You’re welcome, Jemma.” May whispers back, but Jemma’s already asleep.

 

And when Jemma wakes up, May is gone. But there’s tea and toast on the nightstand and clean clothes on the chair, and for the first time in a while Jemma cracks a smile.

(It’s not the kind of smile you crack when you’re cracking and trying to pick up the pieces, but the kind of smile you crack when you realize you’re not alone.)

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so so so so much to leah em and rani for helping me with this part <3


End file.
